It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
