Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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