I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
