Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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