Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
