Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
