Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
