Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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