I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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