So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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