you're like a bully in the Christmas story
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize