Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
