Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?