the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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