every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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