Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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