Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
