My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
