I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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