i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
