do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize