Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
where are you?
Hypothermia
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
