I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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