I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
not ubering you a puppy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
