could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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