Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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