My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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