Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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