My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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