Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
