also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
