he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
