I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
