omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
