some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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