he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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