i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
