Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
