i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
