i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
