i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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