Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My vagina just recognized that song.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
