just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
