she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
being pregnant is like rehab
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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