I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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