I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
