im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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