he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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