I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
