literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
