im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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