You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
