when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
