If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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