I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
