I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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