Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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