were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
