Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
