He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
